The Big V.

So I had a couple friends in at the bar last week and while I turned away to do something important, like wipe tap beer off my iPod, they got on the subject of virginity.

Ahem Losing it, that is.

Now before I really get into this subject, I'll tell you right now. I find virginity-loss stories fascinating. There are just so many emotions and factors that dictate what kind of experience it will be. The way your parents raised you, the friends you had and your attitudes, your religion, you pre-teen/teen/early adult/adult awkwardness. All that stuff. And you only get that one first time.

So they each go ahead with their stories. One of them lost their virginity to a babysitter when he was like, six years old. And he's totally not traumatized by the experience (which I find amazing) just overeducated at this point with a lot of experience and about ten years of boredom. Because HELLO - after losing your virginity at six years old, how long do you have to wait to find another willing partner? There was a ten-year gap in his sex life. And I mean, FUCK - what's a hand job at thirteen when you've had sexual intercourse when you're six?

And the other guy told a typically cute "Seventeen Magazine Embarrassing Moments" section story about trying to be sneaky and be rid of the V-word with an older girlfriend, but ultimately, awkwardness ruled for a couple years until he could figure it out and lost his virginity in a more comfortable way to someone who mattered.

I like these stories as I like stories about first loves, first best friends, your first serious talks with your parents. They shape you.

The turn came to me. How did Stephie lose her virginity? The story is so saturated in anger and disappointment that I honestly refuse to talk about it here. I will say, though, that if you have a daughter you want to attempt scare-tactics onto so that she avoids any sexual activity, let me talk to her. Seriously, I'll do magic.

These virginity stories can be cute, can be awkward, can be funny. Or downright tragic. I learned several important lessons about trust, people, and dignity in one night, though I wish I could have been innocent for only a just a while longer. In college, I advocated in abstinence programs, speaking to high school students at local schools. I went to church almost too much. I felt screwed up. Sex is still a difficult issue for me. Having children is one of the greatest, most exciting endeavors I hope to have, but I don't know if I'll ever get to experience it because I've got such a crippling fear of a bad situation like mine happening to my little girl.

It's just such an amazing thing to me how sex can shape people so significantly.