Sunday, September 25, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
MSN -> MKE
So this crazy thing happened three weeks ago. I moved my belongings and my life to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
"Were you sober, Stephie?"
"Did you make another bad, impulsive decision?"
"Are you running from the cops?"
These are all fair questions. God knows I'm not known for thinking things through and doing the right thing very often. However, I'm pretty certain this is one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself.
Don't get me wrong, I miss Madison terribly. Not a day goes by where I feel somewhat homesick. I don't know many people here. I've had to find employment on my own, without the reference of someone else in town. I've gotten lost, gone days without eating, and had panic attacks. Then I realized, I've done all those things in Madison at some point, too.
It's a funny thing, how convenience and familiarity can cause people to take the beaten path, to settle, to feel safe. It's a natural thing. I've never moved, really. Not since my father helped me move my things into my dorm room ten years ago. I stayed in Madison and fostered good and bad relationships. I've wasted years where I could have been productive. I've been lazy and self-destructive. I feel really terrible about it all.
These past few days, I've felt like I'm finally doing something good. I'm getting out of the house and exploring. I'm developing a good idea of how I should be living. I may not be making a ton of money, or have an entire community of familiar people around me. But it's making me a little tougher, and I think that's good.
It's about time.
"Were you sober, Stephie?"
"Did you make another bad, impulsive decision?"
"Are you running from the cops?"
These are all fair questions. God knows I'm not known for thinking things through and doing the right thing very often. However, I'm pretty certain this is one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself.
Don't get me wrong, I miss Madison terribly. Not a day goes by where I feel somewhat homesick. I don't know many people here. I've had to find employment on my own, without the reference of someone else in town. I've gotten lost, gone days without eating, and had panic attacks. Then I realized, I've done all those things in Madison at some point, too.
It's a funny thing, how convenience and familiarity can cause people to take the beaten path, to settle, to feel safe. It's a natural thing. I've never moved, really. Not since my father helped me move my things into my dorm room ten years ago. I stayed in Madison and fostered good and bad relationships. I've wasted years where I could have been productive. I've been lazy and self-destructive. I feel really terrible about it all.
These past few days, I've felt like I'm finally doing something good. I'm getting out of the house and exploring. I'm developing a good idea of how I should be living. I may not be making a ton of money, or have an entire community of familiar people around me. But it's making me a little tougher, and I think that's good.
It's about time.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Wow.
Today was the first time in the past two years that I've cried. As in, crumpled to the floor and felt so despondent that I couldn't move.
It was so intense.
Anti-depressants really mess with the brain, I tell ya. They suppressed so much. I miss my pills for three days, and BOOM. Niagara Falls and I start yelling at my boss.
Science is so fucked.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Dreamin'!
I just had a dream that I was waiting tables, and I kept getting people's orders, but they wanted more things, different things every five minutes. Every bottle of wine they ordered came from the bar arrived, but it was the wrong year or grape and I started to realize that every guest was drunk beyond function. Everyone kept yelling gay slurs and I started getting upset.
Then some girls with gelled back hair and muffin tops start walking through the restaurant, whispering amongst each other. They're trying to help their brother escape the restaurant, this boy, and he runs past me and through the crowd holding a mess of bloody limbs and when he walks out the door, they have electronic sensors and they go off because there's price tags on the bloody limb ankles.
THIS is why I'm not allowed to eat big meals and nap, folks.
Then some girls with gelled back hair and muffin tops start walking through the restaurant, whispering amongst each other. They're trying to help their brother escape the restaurant, this boy, and he runs past me and through the crowd holding a mess of bloody limbs and when he walks out the door, they have electronic sensors and they go off because there's price tags on the bloody limb ankles.
THIS is why I'm not allowed to eat big meals and nap, folks.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
I need a sewing machine.
Whenever I bring clothes to be mended at the seamstress on State, I feel like she looks at me with eyes that say "Why can't you fix these simple things yourself, you 28 year old child?" Then she overcharges me for them.
It's either her or the fact that since she's asian, I feel like she's channelling my mother and I've really got to work on my insecurities of being a grown-up.
It's either her or the fact that since she's asian, I feel like she's channelling my mother and I've really got to work on my insecurities of being a grown-up.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A text exchange...
Teddy: I'm gettin a $1500 tax refund! Woohoo!
Me: Let's go to the waterpark!
Teddy: Let's go to the moon!
Me: Let's go to Culver's!
Me: (on the way to the moon).
Me: Let's go to the waterpark!
Teddy: Let's go to the moon!
Me: Let's go to Culver's!
Me: (on the way to the moon).
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Paloma, Clara, Bell, Oscar, Atlas, and Linus
These are the names of my future children.
They're gonna be soooooooo cool.
They're gonna be soooooooo cool.
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