Sad.

I've been homesick lately and today was such an emotional day. I got home from my doctor's appointment and just laid in bed and cried for an hour until I fell asleep. I woke up five hours later with eyes swollen near-shut and I suppose that's what's hurting my odds of crashing right now. I'm not entirely sure of what I was crying about specifically, but I felt angry. I felt angry about a lot of things going on with me and around this world that I can only have faith in improving. It was sad. And usually at the end of an intense cry, you'd feel better, but I awoke feeling as bad as when it all started. Things that existed in my mind only as minor thoughts kept jumping on my head until they collapsed into my brain. And it felt terrible. The planned events for the rest of the day were mostly cancelled, and I spent a good part of the afternoon eating and moping around until now. I called Teddy three times in a half hour to tell him how much I love him.

Normally, if I were someone else, I'd tell them to suck it up. I don't like feeling sorry for myself and I really believe in people controlling their own attitudes. I don't have much self-respect when I'm caving into myself. But I'm realizing that, done privately, it's ok to have these days every once in a while.


Tomorrow will be better.